Day 2...

It's been so long since I came on here. So much has happened since then. The biggest being that I went in to see an Endocrinologist and a Dermatologist. Of course, the first thing the Endo did was place me on the birth control pill. The Dermatologist took me off of the prenatals and told me they were the cause of some of the face issues I was having.

I'd like to say that I kept up with my diet and that I'm doing wonderfully, but to be honest, the last few months have been really awful. My mother and baby brother have been in and out of the hospital, I still haven't been able to find a job and because of a situation neither EJ or I can handle, we might have to move within the next few months.

It's been overwhelming and stressful, to say the least.

Monday, I had a very bad experience with a dress. If I tell you the story though, don't laugh at me. Cry, with me. ;)

I went to the thrift store to get out of the house and I found the most beautiful little black dress, with tags still on it. It was a 25 dollar dress for 10. SCORE! It said it was a size 14, so I thought, "OF COURSE THIS WILL FIT ME!" I was so please with my find and almost fainted when I found the exact same dress and size, but in grey! Oh yeah!! "It is my lucky day," I thought to myself, "I found a black leather jacket that fit like a glove (size M which made no sense), and two beautiful work dresses."

When I got home, I pulled off my pants and shirt and reached for the black dress. I didn't even bother to unzip it because well, it was a size 14!! It should just 'slip' right on. As soon as I put it on though, I realized that it was a little snug. After yanking it over my boobs, I realized it was a BIG mistake to try to put the dress on this way.

So, I tugged upwards but the dress wouldn't budge. My boobs and probably my fat too, were holding the dress in place. I didn't know what to do, but kept on pulling upwards. After about 5 minutes of pulling, the burning sensation around the area that was stuck inside the dress was awful. My body and fingers started getting sore and hurting. I felt defeated and threw myself on to the bed, where I had a good cry. With my arms and hands stretched out upwards and my lower half pretty much naked (I was wearing the cutest polka dotted underwear though), I debated on whether I should call my mom over, so she could help me. I just couldn't imagine having her see my naked lower body, all lumpy and white as uncooked chicken.

After a good cry, I decided to go back at the pulling. I managed to roll the dress down and get my fingers under the bottom part of the dress and pull it up over my boobs, very very slowly. Within a few minutes, I was free.

I sat in my room and gave the dress the stink eye. "What happened? It's a size 14?! A SIZE 14!!!!" I just couldn't fathom it. I decided to see how much I weighed after that... 187.6 lbs. UGH.

That day, I decided that I had to go back on a diet, whether I liked it or not. After I stopped the birth control pills (two months ago), I was at 185 lbs. I had actually gained weight (190 lbs.) and then lost 5 pounds. Our first cycle after I got off BCPs was a BFN. This last cycle will probably be a BFN because we only managed to boom boom once, because of the craziness that has been going on here.

I'm suppose to go back to my Endo and my Dermo this month, but I've decided to skip yet another month, to get my weight down. They're going to be SO mad at me, because they both wanted me to be at least 20 pounds thinner after the 3 months on BCPs, and I've gained weight instead.

So for the next few weeks, I decided to low carb. My good old reliable way to lose weight and make my body feel fabulous. I'm ready for it.

Here's my meals so far:

Day 1-

Breakfast: Low carb shake

Lunch: Big salad with cucumbers, mushrooms and spicy italian dressing

Dinner: Two strips of beef ribs and asparagus

Snack: Two low carb shakes, blended with ice and topped with whipped cream

Water: I sucked! 4 of the small water bottles.

Day 2-

Breakfast: 4 egg omelette (I only ate half) with cheddar cheese inside, green beans fried in butter and decaf coffee with Splenda, no milk.

I figured I'll keep at it as long as I can, which is usually about 2-3 weeks. I LOVE fruit, so it's always really difficult for me to continue to low carb.

Anyways, the TTC is pretty much at a standstill because we're so stressed out. I have a feeling that next month will be a lot better than this month, because I'm positive by then I'll be at least 10 pounds thinner and will be able to see both my Endo and Dermo without having to cringe too badly at the scale. I'm also hoping my Endo will put me on Femara, for the Clomid isn't doing anything for me but making me a mega-bitch. :(

I guess that's all for now. Wish me luck!